


Not So Long Ago

by Vanr



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Mentions of Character Death, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:29:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3675726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanr/pseuds/Vanr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been years since Levi escaped the Underground, years since Isabel and Farlan were cruelly taken from him. But years aren't so long, and life is never so kind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not So Long Ago

**Author's Note:**

> Off the cuff drabble, or a character study, or whatever you want to categorize it as. 
> 
> I apologize for the spelling of character names (like Auruo/Oluo).

He stands in front of the mirror in his bathroom, eyeing the sallow-faced, pale figure staring back.

It's been years. Years since he escaped his old home in the Underground and clawed his way up, since he joined the Scout Regiment.

Sometimes, though, it feels like it was only yesterday.

He feels as though he should turn around and his friends should be there, bickering or still sleeping in the bunks.

He turns around and is faced only with his empty room in Officer's Row.

The sheets are undisturbed, because he hasn't been disturbing them. His room is spotless, because he cannot abide a messy room.

He is exhausted because he hasn't been sleeping, but that is nothing new. There have always been dark circles under his eyes and he doesn't care. Not that he's self destructive, he just can never lay down and simply sleep without crushing guilt.

After all this time, he has gotten better. Sometimes, he doesn't have to utterly exhaust himself before he can sleep, like he had to in the Underground. Sometimes, he can fall asleep normally and wake up at a reasonable hour of the day.

Those days, however rare, are always his favorite. Today is not one of them.

He steps out, uniform immaculate and pristine as always. He heads to the mess hall, eyes narrowed like they always are.

His squad has already arrived (they know how he hates eating with too many strangers) and they are seated around a table.

Auruo is telling a story. Levi doesn't care to listen. He sits himself down between Urd and Petra, and ignores their warm smiles.

They don't take it personally. They never do, not when the scowls come from him.

Gunther seems incredulous of whatever Auruo's prattling on about, but Auruo takes no notice. And of course, the greenie, Jaeger, sits open-mouthed. Believing every word, eyes wide with awe.

Stupid brat, Levi thinks, not with any real hatred or spite.

Petra laughs when Jaeger asks a question to clarify some facts. She laughs because the question has Auruo going back, doubting his own story.

When Jaeger softly glares at her, her mirth only increases. "Sorry, Eren." Her voice is cheerful, friendly. Levi has never understood how. "But it's funny, how far off Auruo can go and have you still believe him!"

Urd laughs along with Petra this time, and even Jaeger has the sense to sheepishly smile at them. "So that wasn't true, then?"

Auruo will no doubt spin a long tale of how it was over simplifying things or still exhibiting the essence of reality.

Levi interrupts him. "His stories are always full of horse-shit," he intones, gaze drifting to where Jaeger sits.

Jaeger stiffens when he sees Levi watching him, but to his credit, he doesn't look in awe of him or frightened like the others normally do. Not his squad. But the people who don't know him, who think he is just a rich, spoiled, prissy little boy who bargained and cheated his way up the military ladder.

"Captain!" Auruo gasps, as if he's never heard Levi swear before. "Surely, you know that what I am saying-"

"Is a blatant lie, Bozado." Levi smirks humorlessly. "Don't go spreading lies to the greenie."

"I know enough to sort fact from fiction," Jaeger replies, although his voice is stiff and displeased.

Levi fixes him with a level glare, not moving so much as an inch before Jaeger shifts and adds, "Sir."

"You don't," Levi denies, then stands up. His food is ready by now and he needs tea. Badly. Besides, as much as he appreciates his squad, they are starting to grate on his nerves.

"Have you finished eating?" he inquires of them, not looking at any one of them in the eye.

Petra, noting his discomfort, nodds. "Yes, captain!" Her face is still smiling, still as cheerful as always.

How does she do that? Levi wonders. Not for the first time, not for the last time.

"Then gear up and go train. You're special operations. You can't afford to get rusty." He turns without another word, stalking off and listening for footsteps behind him.

The door opens, and he hears his men leaving. Good. That brat Jaeger isn't questioning my orders.

He strides into the kitchen, grabbing a tray of food and a glass full of tea, and makes his way over to the now-abandoned table.

It's been years since he lost them. But today is one of those days. Today, Petra and Isabel blur in his mind's eye until he can barely distinguish between the two. Today, Farlan Church and Eren Jaeger speak with the same voice and through the same actions.

Today, there are so many regrets, he's afraid of drowning in them.


End file.
